Aint there one song that can make me...happy?

The word "great", ladies and gentlemen, has 23 different definitions associated with it. This performance, in particular, would NOT fall under the "great" associated with "wonderful". That, perhaps, would refer back to the other performances I've posted down below. The "great" that applies to this performance is of the "being such in an extreme or notable degree" type; i.e. "great friends"; "a great talker". Here we have "the great effects of cocaine, bad wigs, tight clothes, and low body weight". Indeed yes, this is a great performance.

And holy mother Mary, what can I really say about this medley of mostly terrible and a few decent songs? What can I really say about Cher attempting to sing a verse of "Young Americans" but trailing off because she realizes she doesn't know the words? Do we think that Cher and Bowie had sex after this? Was it a threesome with Sunny involved? Good god people. So many questions.

I think it can be safely assumed that this number was only run through once in rehearsals. I think it can also be safely assumed that a wardrobe girl was fired for putting Cher in that wig. If the wig was given to Cher to draw attention away from David Bowie singing her under the table, then that wardrobe girl was not only fired, but she also burned outside of the studio after the cameras stopped rolling. Despite looking like his 90 pound self is in the last stages of a malnutrition and cocaine induced death, Bowie's voice is, as usual, crystal clear and (maybe this is just me) filled with the ability to make you "break down and cry" if he really wanted to.

The best part though? The end. At about five minutes the whole things caves. There's no harmony to be found, Bowie looks like he wants to kill Cher (or whip her with his mic cord), they start singing over each other, Cher gets embarrassed, lets out a chipmunk laugh...and the whole bit abruptly goes down the drain. Even a strut down the lotus flower set can't save them. Bowie eventually gives up and grabs Cher's hand, makes her do a little curtsy and bow, and calls it quits, all while the back up singers are still belting out the chorus and the music is still bleating. Cher-you always made a better actress.

And that, my dears, is one of the greatest performances ever. Great for its awkwardness, its horrible set, clothes, make up, and reminder of why I WOULDN'T want to go back to the 70's. Great for its reminder to never get a coke addiction. And great for being the first performance in Janine's first annual seven days of Bowie Blog extravaganza. It can only go up from here.

Will I still have any readers left?