Rule Britannia

How clever am I? For Day one of Bowie Madness, you get Cher and Bowie. For day two, you get 1973 Bowie singing a Sunny and Cher song with Marianne Faithfull. And god almighty, is this not the craziest video ever? Bowie's got angel wings on backwards and Marianne Faithfull in all her post Jagger-post custody battle-coked out glory, is dressed like...a nun? Is that what that is? I'm sure we can all agree though that the back up singers are the best part. So square, it hurts, they sing and wiggle around...but their wiggle is nothing compared to that of freaky Bowie's. God I love that man.

This was broadcast on NBC by the way, the same year that my Mom was graduating highschool. I can't imagine what my Grandfather must have thought.

England was fucked up in the 70's. I'm thankful for every minute of it.

Aint there one song that can make me...happy?

The word "great", ladies and gentlemen, has 23 different definitions associated with it. This performance, in particular, would NOT fall under the "great" associated with "wonderful". That, perhaps, would refer back to the other performances I've posted down below. The "great" that applies to this performance is of the "being such in an extreme or notable degree" type; i.e. "great friends"; "a great talker". Here we have "the great effects of cocaine, bad wigs, tight clothes, and low body weight". Indeed yes, this is a great performance.

And holy mother Mary, what can I really say about this medley of mostly terrible and a few decent songs? What can I really say about Cher attempting to sing a verse of "Young Americans" but trailing off because she realizes she doesn't know the words? Do we think that Cher and Bowie had sex after this? Was it a threesome with Sunny involved? Good god people. So many questions.

I think it can be safely assumed that this number was only run through once in rehearsals. I think it can also be safely assumed that a wardrobe girl was fired for putting Cher in that wig. If the wig was given to Cher to draw attention away from David Bowie singing her under the table, then that wardrobe girl was not only fired, but she also burned outside of the studio after the cameras stopped rolling. Despite looking like his 90 pound self is in the last stages of a malnutrition and cocaine induced death, Bowie's voice is, as usual, crystal clear and (maybe this is just me) filled with the ability to make you "break down and cry" if he really wanted to.

The best part though? The end. At about five minutes the whole things caves. There's no harmony to be found, Bowie looks like he wants to kill Cher (or whip her with his mic cord), they start singing over each other, Cher gets embarrassed, lets out a chipmunk laugh...and the whole bit abruptly goes down the drain. Even a strut down the lotus flower set can't save them. Bowie eventually gives up and grabs Cher's hand, makes her do a little curtsy and bow, and calls it quits, all while the back up singers are still belting out the chorus and the music is still bleating. Cher-you always made a better actress.

And that, my dears, is one of the greatest performances ever. Great for its awkwardness, its horrible set, clothes, make up, and reminder of why I WOULDN'T want to go back to the 70's. Great for its reminder to never get a coke addiction. And great for being the first performance in Janine's first annual seven days of Bowie Blog extravaganza. It can only go up from here.

Will I still have any readers left?

A Lad Insane

In the last few weeks, I've gotten some good natured complaints about not keeping this blog up. That's good. Honestly, my blog doesn't stay updated because when I go back and see what I've written the week before, I cringe. It's like watching a play you did in 11th grade. Overacted, too much makeup, and not enough talent. But I, like that Obama guy, believe we can move past mediocre history together, and build a new nation. A nation of the best live performances ever! According to ME! Muahahaaha! Welcome to my dictatorial musical blog! Where you watch what I SAY you watch! And don't expect expert, superfluous writing with a bunch of musical adjectives no one understands. You know where to go for that shit.

That said, to make up for last time, I've decided to do a whole week of insane David Bowie performances. That's right kids - 7 days, each with one video, means 7 days of Bowie. Why? Because I have slight obsession with him? Ha! That's mere coincidence. It's actually because when you start diggin around, it turns out that Bowie has the best collection of creepy, strange, bizarre (insert other synonyms for "weird") live TV performances ever, and we should pay homage to all of them! Never underestimate what cocaine bestowed upon pop culture in the 70's and 80's.

So get ready...set...and go! We blast off into Bowiedom