Rules of the Rock and Roll Game

As a blog that’s dedicated to great live performances, I think it’s time I laid down some ground rules for one aspect of achieving a good performance: the show. It, ladies/gentlemen, is one key element of a good performance. The show, in and of itself, also has many elements that must occur before it can be considered good. When all the key elements for a show are in place, then you can have a good performance. This, however, requires the crowd to know its place as a crowd and obey certain unspoken rules. Sound complicated? It’s not if you’re smart.

Last week I was bemoaning the fact that I’ve become too jaded and cynical, but as it turns out, I’m not nearly jaded enough. For over an hour I watched the Subways play at the Doug Fir, and for over an hour I was continuously embarrassed by some truly ridiculous show going antics. What will I remember from that show? Unfortunately not the music.

Look kids - its rock and roll. It’s cool. That’s the name of the game. You’re not cool? Then pretend for a night. You can start by considering the following:

Dress
1. Do not wear a baseball cap to a show. You look like a fool. Especially you with the Cowboys hat. Really? When has it been cool to wear a Cowboys hat in the last ten years? And even then, it was only cool for turn coat grammar school kids. Give it up. That bandwagon has sooo passed. And we know you’re not from Dallas. People from Dallas don’t move to Portland.
2. Please look like you at least gave five minutes consideration to your outfit. You’re going out. Whatever happened to dressing up? This is rock and roll kids. You’re supposed to look good. Dude with cutoff denim shorts? Nope. Go home.
3. Flannel shirts haven’t been cool since 1992. Recognize.

Drinks
1. Ladies-please try and reduce stereotypes. A BOTTLE of Corona? Pathetic. There’s five microbrews on tap and you choose a Corona. It’s a fact that Corona is never acceptable to drink unless you are at a barbecue in California with your old highschool friends who have never lived outside their hometown, still listen to Sublime, and just plain don’t know any better.

Actions
1. Giving the Horns is not acceptable under any circumstances (with the exception maybe of a heavy metal show). Please stop. I want to pass out every time someone gives a band the Horns. You’re an idiot.
2. Respect my dance space. It’s a well known fact that I have a personal box of space to dance in. It’s not big…so when you step into it, it really throws me off. Please be more considerate.
3. Put your cell phone down. All your friend hears is static and reverb. The video, also, is going to suck. As a girl who goes through a million of these to find something postable, I implore you to just enjoy the moment. Also, if you’re a sixteen year old girl at an Arcade Fire show and they start playing “My Body is a Cage” while the lights go down and the mood gets intense, this is NOT your cue to whip out your cell phone and call your best friend. The next time you do it, your cell is getting thrown off the balcony by the curly haired advocate of 21 and up shows sitting behind you.
4. Refrain from yelling stupid comments. When the band says “Hello” you can say “Hello”. “How’s it going?” gets a “good”. Comments about not understanding accents, about how they are “fucking savages” or anything else is not acceptable. Also, since when is the band a DJ? Did you really just ask them to play track five off their first album? You’re stupid, get out.
5. Dudes: We never think it’s an accident when you brush our ass with your hand. There’s no reason for your hand to be down there. Stop.

To the Band:
1. I was tea-bagged twice by the vocalist of the Subways. I contemplated whether this was sexy or not…it’s not. There’s no way around it.
2. Drinking a bottle of Jack on stage is only cool in some situations. If I have seen your level of intoxication go from a level 2 to a level 8 in four songs, that’s not okay. If, at song five, I watch with horror as you knock over the next band’s five pristine electric guitars on accident cause you’re so wasted, you have a problem. That’s not cool...it’s just stupid. I don’t have 15 dollars all the time. Respect it when I do and choose to spend it on you.
3. Making fun of your ex-girlfriend band mate in front of the whole crowd? Boo. You’re the one who was fucking stupid enough to date your band member…not me. Get on with it. We don’t need to see the situation play itself out on stage.
4. Asking the crowd to clap their hands to the beat gets old after two songs. Remember that.
5. Only pick songs your audience for sure knows the words to, or it’s going to get embarrassing fast.

Live, learn, and please people, stop embarrassing me.

Freaks, Freaks

#88.2 - PIGEON JOHN - Freaks, Freaks
Uploaded by lablogotheque

Pigeon John, the lower eastside of NYC, and beatboxing. I'm guessing I don't need to explain why this one deserves to be on my blog. This is by far one of my favorites so far. What else can I say?

Who now remembers the Deftones?

Last week Emily and I sat outside on the patio of an average Portland bar cooing over Sir Ian and drinking vodka. At one point we were told by a bearded man that "God could use you". Fair enough. The bartender eventually came out and asked us if we wanted more drinks. We did. He then did two great things. First, he declared that Sir Ian has "afro paws". Yes. Second, he went inside and pressed play on the stereo...and out came "Root" by the Deftones. Thank YOU, Mr. Bartender man. As Emily began talking to her brother on the phone, I was shot back into a weird montage of highschool memories. Oh the Deftones...how I loved you so.

I'm not sure how popular the Deftones were outside of California from 1997 to 2000, but that's when I listened and saw them the most. The amazing thing about growing up in California (or maybe just the Bay Area) is that we didn't have any idea that what we were listening to was "local" music (you don't know who E-40 or Mac Mall are? Really?). Indeed, the Deftones did eventually hit it "big". World wide tours, MTV, and the works. But they lost a quality that was so important to their music. Protools, while steadily increasing it's capabilities back then, could make or break a band. It broke the Deftones.

In case you're only familiar with "White Pony" or any other album that came out after that (in which case, you've been misguided), the Deftones rode the hard rock wave of the late 90's, which eventually came crashing down (thank god) in early '03, or somewhere around there. They came out of Sacramento, when they were all about 16, with "Adrenaline" coming out in 1995 and "Around the Fur" in 1997. Kids-I burned holes in these CDs. I even sported a simple black Deftones windbreaker with "Sacto, California" and their logo on the back. My sister still remembers me teaching her the lyrics to "Bored".

The Deftones were always different than other hard rock bands from that era (like Sepultura, which I could never get in to). Maybe we could call them soulful metal. It most certainly was hard rock, with lots of yelling, lost of screeching, etc. But they included raw melody too, and pretty decent, albeit very esoteric, lyrics, which lent them a softer edge. They never became as popular as their rock-rap-metal counter parts though and I attribute that to their unrefined style...the masses didn't seem to go for that.

In the big bad cyber world, there's a lot of live footage from this band. Most, I'd say about 95 percent, is from the festival scene that seemed to explode in the early 2000s. I however, wanted to post the Deftones that I remember...and after two hours of searching, found an amazing show they did in 1996 at the Cactus Club in San Jose. They were, after all, a California band... and I fully intend on keeping it that way in this post. I first saw them on November 3rd, at the Phoenix Theater in Petaluma...and this is exactly how I remember them.

Christmas in June

June 1st and I'm back now, ready to post for day 3 of Bowie mania. I took two days off, but hey...I never said they would be consecutive days of posting!

So, I've been wanting to post this one for awhile, and what better time to do so then in June. You need a little mid-year Christmas cheer. It's a classic too, for sure, so you've probably already heard it or seen it at some point. Still, it's a classic and I absolutley love watching it, so you probably will too. This is 1977 Bowie,(right when "Heroes" and "Low" came out) four years after his performance with Ms. Faithfull, and a month before Bing Crosby's death. I like the contrast of this
with his Ziggy days, and I like the contrast of Bowie's voice with Crosby's voice too.

Besides the just out right cheesy intro, this song is pretty touching. I think this version of little drummer boy is way more heartfelt and warm than the original, but that's probably because this version doesn't have to do with Jesus. Or does it?

The Washington Post wrote an article this performance, which I think is worth reading because the story behind it is real interesting. So put your geek out goggles on and let's go!




Bing and Bowie: An Odd Story of Holiday Harmony
By Paul Farhi

One of the most successful duets in Christmas music history -- and surely the weirdest -- might never have happened if it weren't for some last-minute musical surgery. David Bowie thought "The Little Drummer Boy" was all wrong for him. So when the producers of Bing Crosby's Christmas TV special asked Bowie to sing it in 1977, he refused.

Just hours before he was supposed to go before the cameras, though, a team of composers and writers frantically retooled the song. They added another melody and new lyrics as a counterpoint to all those pah-rumpa-pum-pums and called it "Peace on Earth." Bowie liked it. More important, Bowie sang it.

The result was an epic, and epically bizarre, recording in which David Bowie, the androgynous Ziggy Stardust, joined in song with none other than Mr. "White Christmas" himself, Bing Crosby.

In the intervening years, the Bowie-Crosby, "Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy," has been transformed from an oddity into a holiday chestnut. You can hear it in heavy rotation on Christmas-music radio stations or see the performance on Internet video sites. First released as a single in 1982, it still sells today -- to add to its quirky afterlife, it's part of an album that's ranked as high as No. 3 on the Canadian charts this month. How did this almost surreal mash-up of the mainstream and the avant-garde, of cardigan-clad '40s-era crooner and glam rocker, happen?

It almost didn't. Bowie, who was 30 at the time, and Crosby, then 73, recorded the duet Sept. 11, 1977, for Crosby's "Merrie Olde Christmas" TV special. A month later, Crosby was dead of a heart attack. The special was broadcast on CBS about a month after his death.

The notion of pairing the resolutely white-bread Crosby with the exquisitely offbeat Bowie apparently was the brainchild of the TV special's producers, Gary Smith and Dwight Hemion, according to Ian Fraser, who co-wrote (with Larry Grossman) the song's music and arranged it.

Crosby was in Great Britain on a concert tour, and the theme of the TV special was Christmas in England. Bowie was one of several British guest stars (the model Twiggy and "Oliver!" star Ron Moody also appeared). Booking Bowie made logistical sense, since the special was taped near his home in London, at the Elstree Studios. As perhaps an added inducement, the producers agreed to air the arty video of Bowie's then-current single, "Heroes" (Crosby introduced it).

It's unclear, however, whether Crosby had any idea who Bowie was. Buz Kohan, who wrote the special and worked with Fraser and Grossman on the music, says he was never sure Crosby knew anything about Bowie's work. Fraser has a slightly different memory: "I'm pretty sure he did [know]. Bing was no idiot. If he didn't, his kids sure did."

Kohan worked some of the intergenerational awkwardness into his script. In a little skit that precedes the singing, Crosby greets Bowie at the door of what looks like Dracula's castle (actually, it's a set that's supposed to be Crosby's rented London home). The conceit is that Bowie is dropping by a friend's house and finds Crosby at home one snowy afternoon.

They banter for a bit and then get around to a piano. Bowie casually picks out a piece of sheet music of "The Little Drummer Boy" and declares, "This is my son's favorite."

The original plan had been for Bowie and Crosby to sing just "Little Drummer Boy." But "David came in and said: 'I hate this song. Is there something else I could sing?' " Fraser said. "We didn't know quite what to do."

Fraser, Kohan and Grossman left the set and found a piano in the studios' basement. In about 75 minutes, they wrote "Peace on Earth," an original tune, and worked out an arrangement that weaved together the two songs. Bowie and Crosby nailed the performance with less than an hour of rehearsal.

And that was almost that. "We never expected to hear about it again," Kohan said.

But after the recording circulated as a bootleg for several years, RCA decided to issue it as a single in 1982. It has since been packaged and repackaged in Christmas compilation albums and released as a DVD.

It's still the most played Christmas duet on WASH-FM (97.1), airing once or twice a day when the station plays nothing but holiday music, said Bill Hess, WASH's program director. Hess likes how the two men blend their voices. The real clincher, he says, is Crosby, who has been associated with holiday music for generations. " 'White Christmas' really helps sell it," he says.

Also among the song's fans is Roger D. Launius, who remembers watching the original Crosby TV special while he was a graduate student and the parent of two children, ages 1 and 3.

"It was a very hectic time in my life, and the song was very peaceful and beautiful," says Launius, chairman of the space history division at the National Air and Space Museum. "I don't remember anything else about the special, but I remembered that song."

Launius hadn't given it too much thought until about seven years ago, when his now-adult daughter sent him a Christmas CD. Among the selections was the Bowie-Crosby duet.

The other day at his office, Launius checked the hard drive on his computer. Yep, there it was. With a couple of clicks, Launius let the warm harmony, and the memories, come flooding back.

Rule Britannia

How clever am I? For Day one of Bowie Madness, you get Cher and Bowie. For day two, you get 1973 Bowie singing a Sunny and Cher song with Marianne Faithfull. And god almighty, is this not the craziest video ever? Bowie's got angel wings on backwards and Marianne Faithfull in all her post Jagger-post custody battle-coked out glory, is dressed like...a nun? Is that what that is? I'm sure we can all agree though that the back up singers are the best part. So square, it hurts, they sing and wiggle around...but their wiggle is nothing compared to that of freaky Bowie's. God I love that man.

This was broadcast on NBC by the way, the same year that my Mom was graduating highschool. I can't imagine what my Grandfather must have thought.

England was fucked up in the 70's. I'm thankful for every minute of it.

Aint there one song that can make me...happy?

The word "great", ladies and gentlemen, has 23 different definitions associated with it. This performance, in particular, would NOT fall under the "great" associated with "wonderful". That, perhaps, would refer back to the other performances I've posted down below. The "great" that applies to this performance is of the "being such in an extreme or notable degree" type; i.e. "great friends"; "a great talker". Here we have "the great effects of cocaine, bad wigs, tight clothes, and low body weight". Indeed yes, this is a great performance.

And holy mother Mary, what can I really say about this medley of mostly terrible and a few decent songs? What can I really say about Cher attempting to sing a verse of "Young Americans" but trailing off because she realizes she doesn't know the words? Do we think that Cher and Bowie had sex after this? Was it a threesome with Sunny involved? Good god people. So many questions.

I think it can be safely assumed that this number was only run through once in rehearsals. I think it can also be safely assumed that a wardrobe girl was fired for putting Cher in that wig. If the wig was given to Cher to draw attention away from David Bowie singing her under the table, then that wardrobe girl was not only fired, but she also burned outside of the studio after the cameras stopped rolling. Despite looking like his 90 pound self is in the last stages of a malnutrition and cocaine induced death, Bowie's voice is, as usual, crystal clear and (maybe this is just me) filled with the ability to make you "break down and cry" if he really wanted to.

The best part though? The end. At about five minutes the whole things caves. There's no harmony to be found, Bowie looks like he wants to kill Cher (or whip her with his mic cord), they start singing over each other, Cher gets embarrassed, lets out a chipmunk laugh...and the whole bit abruptly goes down the drain. Even a strut down the lotus flower set can't save them. Bowie eventually gives up and grabs Cher's hand, makes her do a little curtsy and bow, and calls it quits, all while the back up singers are still belting out the chorus and the music is still bleating. Cher-you always made a better actress.

And that, my dears, is one of the greatest performances ever. Great for its awkwardness, its horrible set, clothes, make up, and reminder of why I WOULDN'T want to go back to the 70's. Great for its reminder to never get a coke addiction. And great for being the first performance in Janine's first annual seven days of Bowie Blog extravaganza. It can only go up from here.

Will I still have any readers left?

A Lad Insane

In the last few weeks, I've gotten some good natured complaints about not keeping this blog up. That's good. Honestly, my blog doesn't stay updated because when I go back and see what I've written the week before, I cringe. It's like watching a play you did in 11th grade. Overacted, too much makeup, and not enough talent. But I, like that Obama guy, believe we can move past mediocre history together, and build a new nation. A nation of the best live performances ever! According to ME! Muahahaaha! Welcome to my dictatorial musical blog! Where you watch what I SAY you watch! And don't expect expert, superfluous writing with a bunch of musical adjectives no one understands. You know where to go for that shit.

That said, to make up for last time, I've decided to do a whole week of insane David Bowie performances. That's right kids - 7 days, each with one video, means 7 days of Bowie. Why? Because I have slight obsession with him? Ha! That's mere coincidence. It's actually because when you start diggin around, it turns out that Bowie has the best collection of creepy, strange, bizarre (insert other synonyms for "weird") live TV performances ever, and we should pay homage to all of them! Never underestimate what cocaine bestowed upon pop culture in the 70's and 80's.

So get ready...set...and go! We blast off into Bowiedom